That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
