this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
