I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
