Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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