Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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