I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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