guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
