I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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