it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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