I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
