I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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