He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize