3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so explain again why im purple
no
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
