dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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