First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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