pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
