which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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