What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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