That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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