You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
