Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
