For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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