If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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