Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
