paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
