I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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