i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
