you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
