I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize