I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
either way he was missing a nipple.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
