He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
