can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
