One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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