my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
