The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
