He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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