I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
BRING THE BAGELS
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
