Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
