So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
