I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
