I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize