My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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