In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
