Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
