he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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