she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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