Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
