Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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