I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize