New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
