then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Let's paint friendship bongs
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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