I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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