We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
