Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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