she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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