If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Randomize
