the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
