Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
how drunk are you?
Several
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
