your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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