She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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