I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize