its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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