Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize