I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
