I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
