I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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