You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
