The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize