Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
