I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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