i jhust puked up my retainher.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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