i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
