my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
