He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
