This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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