I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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