he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize