Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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