If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
