I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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