This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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