My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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