A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Farmville is her only friend.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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