I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
