At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize