When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I love you. Go after that dick
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
