bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
