My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
