So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
