It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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