Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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