a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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