6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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