i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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