Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are two peas in an std pod
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
