i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
