she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize