Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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