my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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