I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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