Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
