moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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