i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
