she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
