Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
